It's m.e.

mineeeee @ 2010-03-20T01:25:00

2010-03-19T17:22:34Z

After loads of sleeping, slacking and procrastinating the break is ending. I feel no regrets though. At least not yet. No sense of urgency to work hard for the As too. Whenever I think about the A levels or I hear about people getting back ther grades for their As, it just seems surreal to me. A part of my mind and heart grow numb for a few minutes. I wonder why.

The painful struggle to choose the path I want to take in the near future is back again. Back from reality. Or should I say I have woken up to reality again. The break put a big part of me to sleep. Breaks and holidays always seem to have that effect on me somehow.

So should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements even if it leads nowhere?

Its been raining quite a bit these days. The rain tends to put me in a daze. Feels like I've just been really blur throughout the break up till now. Might be that case too.

Its strange but I did clean up my room towards the end of last year, how did it become messy again so soon?

I need to watch what I eat. Eating too much fast food will shorten my life span.

Saw the new timetable. I get to go home at 1pm on tues and 1.30pm on friday!!!! The breaks are much much shorter though..I did like the breaks. Anyhow, its a change for the better. I must learn to be content with the things I have though its difficult to do so since I am after all, born human. Even econs says that people are by nature never satisfied by anything we can get.

Just remembered about the article we got during GP. The one about life, work and love. Just thinking about 'work' gives me a headache. Thinking about love...it makes my heart ache. I wonder if I will ever experience it for real. Theres just this hole in my heart because of that. I do love my family and friends though.

Gotta get back on track with the studying. Looking at the timetable made me a little bit more motivated to do anything at all.

FIGHTING. ROOOAAARRRRGGGGHHHH.

Confused.

2010-03-10T14:35:42Z

Its motivating to finally settle on something to work towards.
Its frustrating to realise this late.
But its assuring to feel this sure on something that will decide my future.
Then its troubling to know that precious time has been wasted and the situation I am in is not beneficial in any way at all, to my goal.
Deciding the next step. The next place. The next phase and chapter of my life.
Courses, degrees, diplomas, scholarships, complex numbers, electromagnetism, portfolio, china, gdp, the world and its issues.
Info and to-dos overload ):
I think I want some time off in the holiday.
Please.

Test results coming back this week.
Hoping for the best /:

I need a new template or skin.
Time to sleep.

Rain rain..

2010-03-02T14:59:50Z

It finally poured today.
But why couldn't the rain calm my soul like it used to?

When you have no control over those feelings and thoughts from being in your head.
Those words. Those thoughts. Those comments. Those opinions. Those judgements.
Everything.
When nothing you do stops those tears from falling.

Do people think about being in others' shoes before demanding the same from them?

Playing the clown all day.
I give up.

And "well then you haven't tried hard enough" is NOT an encouragement.

Life sucks in all ways. At least for me. Big time.

mineeeee @ 2010-02-27T20:04:00

2010-02-27T12:01:00Z

Dream - Freedom

Some random thing I came up with.
Its not complete though (:

Finally, the weekends are here.
Been studying more recently.
Maybe that's why I am going mad.
I am starting to laugh at anything and everything.
Like a retard.
When I am admitted into the hospital for mad people I wonder if anyone would visit.

Math test was a disaster.
Hoping physics would be manageable.
Did work harder in that subject.
Hope it'll pay off.

Dad's bday tmr (:
But he's not feeling well. Hope he gets well soon.
And I just realised zhiyong has the same bday as my dad.
lol.
Oh well, thats a lot of birthdays in this period of time.

Gonna quit shooting.
Threats obviously don't work well with me.
no point in staying anyway.

Finally had a good sleep today.
WOOO.

CNY this year was all right.
No mahjong for me cause of school work ):
That kinda sucks.
Actually it sucks big time.
Not enjoying CNY to the max.
Genting trip was all right too. Cher was there (:
The ride up the mountain was a nightmare.
Puked once going up and another time after eating a combi of baskin robins icecream, ji dan gao and sausage with roti prata.
Looking forward to the next holidays.

Gotta recharge to face the work.
FIGHTING.

mineeeee @ 2010-02-11T23:22:00

2010-02-11T15:19:07Z

All the ramdom drawings in school (:
Completed the request from maggie jie few days ago lol.
Need to show her soon.
If she doesnt want it I'll keep it for myself :D

I'm such a wierd person.
Sleeping reduces all my emo-ness, worries and sadness so effectively it scares me.
Its almost like I forget everything after waking up.
I might just develop amnesia at a younger age.

ANW, finally. Its REST TIME.
Not like I haven't had any.
But at least now its official (:
HAPPY CNY YA'LL.
GONG XI FA CAI.

WEEKENDS. WEEE

2010-01-30T13:40:58Z

And I thought it was going to be different this time round. Guess not.

Went to the airport to experience being a fan girl ytd.
It was chaotic and tiring.
Saw taemin on the bus! But that was it.
Other than that it was just backviews, backviews and some fan boards and random people.
They are all so...small.
Oh well. It was a new experience (:

Anw. I'm not sure if its upstairs or downstairs but some household is having some sort of renovation.
And its not the first time too.
For who knows how long and how many times I have been woken up by the drilling and hammering.
We can even feel our floor shaking from the drilling -_-
All that ruckus is depriving me of the sleep that I have been craving for sooooooooo long.
Sucks.

Saw TOP's new solo single MV its SO FREAKING HOT.
Looking forward to it WOOO :D

sigh*
I need a larger memory space.
Off to bathe and do the cse assignment.
Econs KILLS. zzz
HWAITING.

addicted to chocolates

2010-01-17T05:16:57Z

chocolates make me happy.
At least I feel better now after eating a few packets of m&ms and a handful of chocolates with cereals.
I'm gonna grow into a lump of blubber.
Thank goodness there's P.E.

Talked to 2 old friends recently. Gotta admit its a little awkward, but the short conversations and little encouragements made me feel calm. They made me feel at ease. Though things have changed and they wont be there for me all the time like before, we dont really know how each other are, and we cant exactly remember everything about each other, I agree that feeling of happiness having them as a friend wont change (: I'm glad and feel blessed to have them in my life.

With that, I feel well enough to move on.
Monday is a complete killer.
I pray we all live through it.

Lovin CNBLUE's new song.
Catchy.

Sleep and nvr wake up-

2010-01-16T14:57:13Z

I almost did that.
approx. 18 hours of sleep.
Now, I really wish I didn't wake up.
I had those really adventurous dreams again.
Zombies and stuff.
I even dreamt of a TV in my room.
There was some adventurous show on the TV too.
Dont remember much though.
I had to adjust myself to the time when I woke up.
Perhaps if I slept and never woke up it will make some people's lives easier or happier.
And I wouldn't have to face those people or face this disgusting world again.
The only people I'd really miss would be my family and some of my friends.
Thats some really emo stuff.
Anw I'll be alive and kicking to irritate the shit out of those people.
I wont go down without a fight.

So I changed. Whats new?
Things around us are changing rapidly as I type every letter.
Everything changes with time.
Some for the worse, some for the better.
I may have become more feminine(or so I've heard).
But I believe some parts of me will nvr change.
My loyalty to my trusted friends and my sensitivity to accusations.
My ability to trust has definitelty changed.
Anyhow I pray that whoever dislikes me for any reason and cant accept me for it
stay away from me from now on.
I dont care if I am a loner.
If I am to be with fakes I'd rather be alone.
Saves me from all the troubles and headaches.

Anw, I was at yewtee mac with a group of classmates today.
Doing what?
Homework and studying (:
We ranted, went mad from everything and bombarded kh with math qns.
A few of us stayed for dinner at astons and chatted.
It was nice (:
Asked those who stayed nearby to come along others who were not asked study better alone.

*sigh I just hope I will get through all this.
Gotta get my spirits up.
Need more chocolate intake.
*screams head off

School.

2010-01-13T13:59:58Z

Its only been 2 days since school reopened but somehow, it feels like its been a week or more.
The only thing that remains alien to me is the school compound.
I totally went the wrong way trying to go back to the hall for the assembly after going to the toilet.
I need a map. Like, seriously -_-

I'm cynical. I don't know why.
Hope to grow out of it soon.
I want to think in a more mature way.

Gonna sleep early today!
fighting! (:

BACK

2010-01-09T20:03:53Z

And here I am.
Back from hk,
back from disneyland,
back from the cold cold weather,
back from the confusing streets and shops,
back into cold, hard, reality.
Homeworks. Never ending chores.
I dont think I can finish them. Again.
But It's been a really fufilling holiday. (as compared to before)

I went to Bejing for the first time in my life (and learnt a lot),
went to hongkong for the second time,
worked as a telemarket-er for the first time,
had rashes that bad for the first time,
had so many jabs in such a short time for the first time,
worked for my parents again in such a long time,
bought so much stuff in such a short time for probably the first time,
but wouldnt be able to complete the holiday homeworks just like previous times,
though I think I went out so many times to do homework quite efficiently in the holidays for the first time too.
Though there were times where I got frustrated, angry, worried, sad, or hurt.
I think I can say I had a really good time overall. ( which should't have been the main purpose of this holidays x: )
Now it's time to get down to business and force myself to mug my head off if I have to D:
*rolls while screaming TT-TT
But I'll do it. I'll try.
*rolls and screams some more.

worrying.

2009-12-13T16:54:22Z

I'm worrying again.
The future.
The uncertainty.
The handful of teachers that actually teach really well all leaving.
My lazy self.
Do something.

I feel so cynical.
So indifferent of everything around me.
So numb.
So confused at the same time.

Thats life huh?

Thinking too much.
Need to stop daydreaming.

OK! Hair is finally dry.
Time for bed.
Hoping for a nice dream.
If not, no dream at all.
They make me tired.

mineeeee @ 2009-11-22T03:12:00

2009-11-21T19:08:44Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AHSINAH! <3333 :D
Procrastinating is going to kill me at the end of the day.
It alr is ):
I appreciate the comments but they are making me feel quite depressed :/
I AM a slacker.
I AM quite addicted to the com.
I AM slow.
I know.
I'm not that stupid to be ignorant of all that ):
~~It feels like everyone hates me D:~~
I feel like fading away.
Disappearing into nothing-ness.
Or maybe disappear into somewhere I can fit in.
If there is such a place.

Maybe I am more sensitive than many people think i am.
Maybe I am over-reacting.
Maybe everyone do hate me.
I am so hateful.

Going to be MIA from 23 nov to 3 dec
BEIJING HERE I COME.
I'm scared D:
But a bit excited at the same time.

I am so looking forward to HK.

mineeeee @ 2009-11-20T00:54:00

2009-11-19T16:50:32Z

NO TIME NO TIME :(
no time to study, no time to complete assignment, no time to sleep, no time to pack, no time to get all things neccesary, no time to rest D:
I WANT MORE TIME.
Flying on monday, 23nov.
BEIJING HERE I COME!
Hope everything goes well ):
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
Sooooo many things to do so little time )))):
Thinking too much at this point wil be bad.
Need to sleep soon. Argh i don't feel like going tmr )))):
Not even prepared.
Damn it.
D:

mineeeee @ 2009-11-11T23:44:00

2009-11-11T16:02:17Z

ITS ALL FINALLY OVER.
esp OP which i screwed.

Anyhow, the fahion show was screwed (in the sense that we don't see how and why some groups got those awards)
In any case, I am v proud of the pretty costumes that came out of all the sweat, frustration, lack of sleep, mess and hard work put in by all the "factory workers". Of course the main designer double ying deserves all if not most of the glory. She needs a rest. It has been a v pekchek few months. We all need a rest.

which means,
I CAN FINALLY SLEEP ALL I WANT.
HALLELUJAH.
Not forgetting getting together to play pool,
playing jubeat,
going to eat hotpot,
class chalet,
getting ready for BJ trip,
blah blah blah blah :D
oh and in the midst of everything,
completing assignments and carrying out full throttle revision D:
Its going to be busy but I hope it'll all be worth it in the end.

Finally there'll be time for me to ~~cut~~ trim my hair.
It neads all the treatment it can get from all the nightmarish hairspray ):
Speaking of nightmarish.
That day at that pri school was worse than all the days we had to make the costumes and have my house in a frightening mess, times 2.
Just because there was no one else who wanted to do it. Now I feel like shit. They should have gotten them in the first place. Feel like deleting all the photos from that day ._.
Me and my self esteem.

I should wrap up my ranting and sleep.
SLEEP.
YAY :D

mineeeee @ 2009-10-26T21:50:00

2009-10-26T14:32:21Z

I very sincerely hope and wish.
That all this ends soon.
Please let it end well.
Please ):

I am almost certain of what I want to do.
Nothing in my path now is what i want to do.
Another road is just glowing in front of me and I am stuck here on this bumpy, killer of a road that the school or the Ms E is supposed to have laid out for me. Does anyone else understands what I want to do? Does anyone else agree with me doing what I want to do? Except for myself that is. zzz.
Will I ever, be able to walk down that shiny, glowing path? ):

Many many things, words are just repeating in my head.
Things that are making me feel demoralized.
Things that are convincing me abt how inferior I am.
Not good ):

ugh.
Everything is horrible now )))):

mineeeee @ 2009-10-24T00:27:00

2009-10-23T16:47:24Z

It's not pleasant to be accused of anything.
That's especially so for me.
Even if its just "assumptions".
Be warned.

Tired. I need to sleep. Soon.

It sucks to have all the work pushed to you when you are not the free-est person on earth either.
._____________________.
I won't be so kind as to tell the teacher at the end of the day that " Oh, we did it together. It's all my fault the work was not well done."
I am no kind person.
Be warned.

I have serious mood swings. It's true.
But I am a normal person, who gets pissed off especially when I'm not feeling well, is really tired and have loads of things to complete in a freaking short time. I want to get my things done. SO STOP PILING EXTRA AND UNNECESSARY WORK ON ME.

ARGH.

mineeeee @ 2009-10-22T22:17:00

2009-10-22T14:45:05Z

Haven't been so tired for a long long time D:
Don't know how I managed to stay awake throughout most of the lecture, but i did :D

TOP looks hot in the IRIS trailer :D

So many things to do, so little time ):
Looking for physics tutor! I'll have to go for tuitions v soon.
Gotta plan out my shedule ( which i might not even follow D: )

Its like eveytime i sneeze a part of my soul comes flying out now ._.

I want to get a job I like in future. But what? :/
All I want to do now is sleep leh ):

Hate it to the guts whenever someone accuses me of anything.
MR.P made me angry this morning by doing just that when I was tired and in a very foul mood.
Lost control of my anger :/
Need to apologise to the classmates.

Met JR's cousin during work.
It's a small world.
Then again maybe it's just Singapore.

I wonder if there'll be anyone who can stand my temper at all.
Anyone who won't be afraid of me and my temper.
I wonder if my friends can.
I wonder if anyone actually likes me for who I am.
I wonder if I'll meet someone who can accept all my flaws.

Need to sleep early.
Its going to be a long long day tmr ):
Note to self:
Need to find time to do assignments. Asap.
zzz

FAME.

2009-10-13T14:43:23Z

Fame is a great movie. Go watch it if you haven't. If you're not the type for music, dance and songs, then stay home and watch your operas.
It doesn't only talk about being famous and glamorous, it doesn't exclude the hardships, the uncertainties, the problems you can face in working towards that goal so many other people are going for. That's why I liked it. Plus, the songs and dances were really cool. Got goosebumps throughout the movie. Its inspiring. (And is a complete opposite of the s**thole of a school I'm in now. Yes, I don't exactly like my school. )

Went to bugis after that, went by NAFA i think. Or was it Laselle. Saw many cool people that give off the ultra confident and cool aura, doing the things that they love and are good at. I am envious. Very. envious. Made me think of my current situation again. I am going to be sighing a lot these few days.

The manhattan fish market (restaurant.) had this student meal promotion. ITS GREAT. The promotion is ending really soon though.
Ate it 2 days in a row and ate till my stomach probably stretched 5 inches. Now, I don't think I'll be seeing any fishes for a while.

LALA.
Back to reality.
PW, I&R, research for the BJ trip, work, revision, the environmental competition thing, advancing to the next year, my future, are contributing to my headaches, frowns, sighs, cries, moans and screams.
I hope this nightmare ends. Soon.

mineeeee @ 2009-10-10T21:42:00

2009-10-10T15:58:35Z

DOODLES.
hoho.

mineeeee @ 2009-10-05T21:42:00

2009-10-05T14:11:20Z

Everything is dying once I touch them.
My com died on me, without warning, bringing along all my songs and pictures and videos.
Now my thumbdrive dies on me, without warning too, with all my project stuff and school work.
Thanks. A lot.
This is exactly what I needed especially at this point of time.
Now my half done I&R is gone.
& I don't feel like doing anything anymore.

This.
Is just.
Great.

Emo times over.

2009-10-01T14:16:11Z

There was art club today! (I think we need a better art room.)
I didnt know I could fold a flower properly and even paint it properly too.
Surprised myself. hurhur Gave me a small confidence boost too.
Was really tired for an unknown reason.

Realised tt there's a list of things to do and complete >:(
Even if I were to retain tt is ._.
If I can promote, I'll have to be busy and stay busy all the way till the end of next year D:
But it'll be a good thing.
& I'm going to the Beijing GPP trip after all :D
Excited :D

Now that the exams are over and theres no nagging whatsoever,
I feel hardworking ._.
Wierd.

Can't breathe properly again :/
Gotta sleep more.

mineeeee @ 2009-09-26T23:35:00

2009-09-26T15:50:56Z

Woots. Is it normal for the Rich text thing to malfunction so ever often? o_o
Anw, I rewatched some animes. They actually tell us quite a lot of...deep stuff.
Like how people envy others when they cant see the good things they themselves have. Its like the good things we have are on our back and we can't see it while others can. Thats why ' the grass is always greener on the other side', you'll nvr see the bad things that the person you envy go through or have to put up with until you're in the same situation. Its just really important for us to see the things we have and be content with them, being envious and constantly thinking about what a better life you can lead is nvr a good thing. Life will be much easier spent happily, for that, we'll have to be able to see the great things we have/ go through in life. Not an easy thing for many, but its always worth a try. At least I'm trying.

I'm thinking too much again huh.
Gonna sleep soon, waking up early tmr. *sigh
Not looking forward to monday. At all.
I wanna play pool again.
Off to sleep.

mineeeee @ 2009-09-25T23:52:00

2009-09-25T16:12:51Z

Tried to post ytd but failed cause the rich text box thing wasn't working for me D:
Anyhow, after lots of persuading from sis and friend, I now have a LJ account and I am actually posting. lol

Had this career thing today, after the Ms. & Mr. RV activities (which was a whole lot better than the games ytd)
The "career talk" was actually enjoyable. The coach is ~~entertaining~~ engaging. More so than any teachers in our school at least, and the personality test was quite accurate. It made me look foward to CHAMPS for the first time ~~in my entire life~~ in a long time.

Went to BT after school, played pool after who-knows-how-long. I don't even remember the last time I touched a pool table. Went with SH, jazz and JE. It was fun, funny too. Find it a good way to relax..playing pool. Just that I'll feel sorry for the person in my team since I am horrible at the thing. Thankfully, we are fine with losing or winning. If not my partner might just murder me on the spot.

I realised its been a long time since I've been going out so often just to enjoy myself. Its..nice. Not having someone nagging into my ear for the whole day helps a whole lot. I need time to calm myself down again. Find peace within myself or something. I need a break from trying to surpressing all my frustrations. Yup.

Tempted to get a tattoo that says "always keep the faith".
Its meaningful, in many ways.

Am going to try to make blogskins/layouts in the holidays.
One of the few things I feel like having on my to-do list for the holidays.
I hope it will be a fufilling one.

End of the random thoughts for the day. Gonna rest earlier today. I hope so at least.
Yup.